under control

Lately, it seems like all I've done is eat. I make excuses such as, "I'll start eating better on Monday." Sounds all fine and dandy until I hear myself saying that statement on a weekly basis. Well, blogger nation - however small you are - this Monday is the day I show the food industry who's boss. No more forcing myself to eat every last crumb off my plate just because it's in front of my face. It's the end of the days of eating so fast I barely breathe before the meal is over. And - most importantly - goodbye horrible feeling of being so full I can't move after each and every meal.

Me and portion control are new bff's. It's due time.

Beat That...

I have recently established I have zero summer blouses. Everything I own is dark and gloomy. While bored at work, I shopped around on one of the only websites I can actually access, Banana Republic. Before I got this job, I wasn't sure what line of work I would be getting into or what the dress code would be. Here at TVA, we're business casual. Some folk rock jeans and Hawaiian shirts. I'm guessing they are IT of some sort. Us business services people know business casual. My point is when I moved and began making purchases for my house, I put EVERYTHING on my Banana Republic card (and paid it off of course) so I would receive LUXE rewards (large amounts of gift cards to spend in any Gap, Ltd. store) in case I needed to spruce up my wardrobe for some fancy job. Clearly this was not the case. Today I purchased 2 shirts.

This one:

And another one. I obviously got the very last one of the other shirt because it is no longer even listed on the website and I seriously placed my order 20 minutes ago. The original total for this order was somewhere around $90. I weasled myself out of shipping and an extra 25% off this sale item listed above. I ended up paying a whopping $1.35. Success.

Every now and then, you just gotta get right with the shopping gods. Happy almost Friday!

On the Job

So I started my job recently. Okay so it was yesterday. So far so good. Except for a few things. I am assuming I am not the only person this has happened to, twice, but when you begin a new job you are typically given someone else's old desk/cube/area (as I prefer to call it). and it generally needs some tiddying up. Upon my arrival yesterday, I was introduced to my team and my area. Since I am new and this is a government job, it will take some time for me to have "access" to the programs I will be using so I am basically constructively killing time until then. My team is great and I'm certain this will be a great job!

A few weird things did occur on day one, however.

Since I really have nothing to do, I was told to do some "housekeeping." You know, get my area in order and what not. Boss tells me, "whatever you don't want, just put in that empty cube over there." So here begins my cleaning. My area is much bigger than the area I occupied at Bill's. I even have the actual cube material on the "walls" so I can pin things up and such. Bill didn't allow anything on the wall which sort of made for a dismal looking area. Any who, I discovered a few things I didn't need and just before I walked them over to the empty cube, I took a closer look at the CD-Rom I was about to toss to make sure I didn't need it. Title: Girls Gone Wild.... Bible Edition. Excuse me? Is this for real? Not looking much closer, I speed walk this CD-Rom/DVD over to the empty cube and hope it is what it says and my finger prints aren't traced back to some kind of corrupt watching of porn here at Tennessee Valley Authority. Whew.

After that scare, it was off to be fingerprinted (probably so they can trace me to Girls Gone Wild.... Bible Edition.) My coworker drove me over to the TVA Police station and Officer Billings greeted me. Then he asked me if I had any tattoos. Random. Just met the coworker here with me and now we're getting a bit personal. I say yes, unfortunately, I have a tattoo. Coworker chuckles in a they-totally-didn't-ask-me-that-question-I-feel-like-I-should-leave-the-room kind of way. Then Officer Creeper asks me where the tattoo is located. Part of me wanted to make up something ridiculous like having a spider web on both knee caps or something but I answered and carried on. Coworker then proceeds to come back and tell my whole team about the question (and of course I am the only one that got that question). The way he described it made me sound as if I were a walking billboard for tattoo artists around the world. He clarified and I am no longer thought of as a devil child. In fact, I think they even like me. After his revelation I felt the need to disclose the Girls Gone Wild.... Bible Edition. Lucky for me, they knew just who it belonged to.

The new career looks promising even after the odd first day. Bright side----- LONG WEEKEND AHEAD!

That Time of the Year Again, Ladies

So my dear friend, D, spoke to me from the Gchat-o-sphere today and told me I should blog about finding the perfect swim suit. I decided I would be perfect for giving this advice. Everyone who knows me knows I have the perfect bikini bod, a crisp, golden tan at all times (see last entry) and can always be found wearing that perfect suit.... you're welcome for that little chuckle. Men will never understand the thought and work that goes into picking the perfect suit. Especially with all those choices nowadays! (Can we please discuss the "one-piece" with the disgusting strip of material down the front and back? Talk about some killer tan lines!)

Now, if I know my girl D, she's thinking, "If only my rear end could be as perky as my boobs and as tight as my curls, I'd rock a thong on the lake all summer." While that might be entertaining for those of us who tend to poke fun at individuals in thongs, I think upon her quest for the perfect suit, she has ruled that one out for this summer.

Bandeau: This is the newer hotness. I say newer because those crazy one-piece "things" are popping up all over the place. I am a big fan of the bandeau. Here is my favorite suit of the season.


It can be found here. It is also a small fortune. Another point of interest is that I am not top heavy in the least. With that being said, you best be careful where you go diving with one of those mothers on! It is very likely to be ripped from your body at Mach 10 speeds, never to be seen again. This, my friends, is quite the predicament! No bandeau equals, well, topless.

Topless: Dear 8 pound, 6 ounce baby Jesus, Please make this option go away. Amen. This is just bad all the way around. Sure, it's legal in Mexico and other ridiculous places to go topless but SPARE US ALL. It is always the women that have no business exposing their goods who take advantage of this legality. Okay, maybe not always but I'd bet on a large percentage of the time.

Halter: Always a good option. Tie the top a bit tighter to give that extra lift so many of us not-so-blessed ladies desire.

Bottoms: I am partial to the bottoms with the sides that tie. This isn't to say I prefer "string bikini" bottoms. No sirree! You can get a good tying side bottom that doesn't create the dreaded muffin top and still has the coverage most classy, quarter of a century old girls such as myself prefer. Roxy and those surfer-esque brands are going to be a little skimpy on the rear end coverage. Take it or leave it, but don't say I didn't warn you! You could end up like this chick...

One-piece: I'll throw the ever popular tankini in here also. These are required for those working as lifeguards or camp counselors and those who just feel more comfortable behind threads. I have noticed quite the cute selection this year! Love this one from J.Crew!

I certainly hope my coverage of the hard-to-avoid swim suit will benefit a few. It is certainly not rocket science. Chances are, you look just fine. ....But on the bright side, you can always invest in a super cute cover up! And don't forget that SPF!